Well.

I didn't mean to hurt you. I have nothing else I can really say. I never meant to make you sad, or make you want to go back in time and change things. I've turned myself into a regret, and no one wants that. How would you feel if someone told you, you were one of their biggest regrets? You would probably feel like shit. Thats how I feel right now. I wish I had felt like that back then. I wish I had had enough sense to think into the future and realize I would hate myself eventually.
You were such a good person. And seeing how sad you are now, I hate to think that i'm even capable of doing that much hurt to someone. From now on, I will make myself the vulnerable one in a relationship. Because if i'm not, then I will hate the power I have and I will crush whoever i'm with. Just like I did to you. I'm sorry. I don't have anything else worth saying. Other than that i know you will never read this, and even if you did, it wouldn't change anything. But somehow, getting it out, makes things a little bit better. I swear. I didn't mean to hurt you. Not ever.

Better late than never

I can't believe how long it has been since I bothered writing something on here! In fact, it's been a while since I've written anything at all. Somedays, when I sit down and try to write a poem or song and nothing comes, I worry I've lost my gift. I'm not sure if I will ever be the writer I once was, but I still believe I have the potential to be great, just like everyone else :)
Perseverance is such a beautiful thing these days. With the world the way it is, everyone wants something, and its hard to get it. Yet, those who keep their eye on their goal, and keep trying, through prayer and hard work, are the ones who will be the most successful. To think that you can accomplish anything by sitting around and whining and wishing is a foolish foolish thing. I only wish more people were able to realize that. I hate when I hear people fussing about how life is, yet they do absolutely nothing to change it. How disgusting. If you have problems, fix them. As Jason Mraz once said
"If its a broken part replace it
If its a broken arm then brace it
If its a broken heart then face it"
Wise wise words.

I've never liked children. I have a lot of nieces, and sisters, and I love them all dearly, but I've never really liked other people's children. At work, I am always nice and sweet to the little kids, but something about them just makes me cringe inside. However, this weekend, I got the liberty of caring for my newborn baby niece. Her name is Grace. She is one of the most darling babies I've ever met, which I know, is said about every single baby.
When I held her, and fed her, then she fell asleep snuggled against my shoulder I couldn't help but think, maybe kids aren't all so bad. I think this can be applied to nearly everything in life. All it takes is that one little moment to make you wake up and realize, hey, maybe things aren't so bad. There's a little beauty in everything in life. Whether it be a small child, or a pleasant rainstorm.
I love life, and I am learning to love it more everyday.

A change

Oh my. Things have changed so much since I last posted something on here, I barely remember who I was back then. To be quite honest, life has straightened itself out. Sure, there have been some pretty bad days, but then, what would life be without those?
My best friend and I have worked everything out. Nothing is ever awkward or sad. I love every moment with her. I spend almost all my free time with her, since she doesn't go to my school anymore, and we both work. Luckily, we now have the same job! I LOVE hanging out with her. I feel so at home and comfortable around her. There's no judgement, or lies. Just friendship. And it is a positively beautiful thing.
I have also made new friends. I realized I was a mean, unwelcoming person. So I changed. I smiled more, laughed more, and hates less. And it has really been working out for me! During my time of some being so close to my best friend that I didn't want any other friends, and my time of being so far away i didn't want anyone at all, I forgot about everyone else. I forgot about all my other friends who have been so good to me through the years. So I changed.
People like me more now. People talk to me more now. I enjoy people's company now. I realized what a great friend someone was, and now, I consider him to be my absolute closest friend, other than my best friend of course. Today, was one of those bad days though. And I didn't talk to him all day. I avoided him, and I made a point to ignore him and talk to other people when he was around. Do you know how he reacted? He asked for forgiveness and brought me a bag of Skittles. Yet, being the stubborn person I am, I refused to budge. Now i realize, my day was probably so terrible BECAUSE I wasn't talking to him. He makes me laugh and see the good things in life. when you take that out of the equation of the day, you are really left with nothing!
So tomorrow, it will be my turn to apologize. Because I realize, pushing people away is never the answer. I need to focus on letting people into my life, and not being scared to allow them to stay there. Life is good. And I should share it with others :)