No no no no no

Why does everything always happen all at once? Why do all the bad things in our life seem to hit at the same time, so something small, that might not have bothered you very much any other day can send you bawling, just because all of the other sadness and frustration you have built up. I hate it so much. I was having a bad day. I really bad day. I was upset about people and things that happened and things that didn't happen and things people said, and then, when I didn't think things could get any worse, my best friend betrayed me. Well, it seemed like she did at the time, and yes, I cried all the way home. I sobbed and hiccupped, and had makeup smeared all the way down my face, and then I sat in my car for about ten minutes, because I feared my hysterics would wake up everyone in my house if I went inside. Then I cried all the next day. Everytime I thought of my best friend, or any of the other things that happened, I cried. I cried because I remembered how upset I was. I cried because of how bad it all seemed, I cried because there didn't seem to be a solution to any of it. But then I found my solution.

Step one. Take a deep breath
Step two. STOP CRYING!
Step three. Think about it logically
Step four. Decide if its worth being angry over
Step five. Treat the wound - apologize. Talk it out.

And it worked! Well almost. You see, when I got mad at my bestfriend, I accused her of lying to me, and told her I didn't believe her and I didn't want to talk to her. Two hours later when I was finally done sniffling, I realized that what she said really did make sense, and she probably wasn't lying at all. Being unwilling to accept that it was the truth however, I told her I didn't know if I believed her, but what she did really hurt me. And she apologized. I thought that things would resume their normal happy perfect sense with us. But the next night, I found out I was wrong.

She barely spoke to me the entire ten hours we hung out. (to be fair, four of those hours were sleeping.) But still. In the last six months, I have not ONCE felt like a third wheel. It was my bestfriend and I who made others feel like a third wheel because of our closeness and ability to laugh and make an inside joke out of everything. But last night, i was the outsider. She couldn't stop laughing with her other friend, she kept bringing up funny things that happened to them. That was me three days ago. But not anymore.

And this why, I believe, I am losing my best friend.
And as stupid as it is, I may just cry again.