I hate decisions. I hate stupid decisions. And I hate when I'm the one who makes them. Why do I keep setting myself up for disappointment?! I am so dang stupid. Time after time, I KNOW what the outcome is going to be, and yet, I just keep thinking that maybe this time things will be different. Maybe this person will say this and surprise me. Maybe this will happen. Maybe...but probably not. And it never goes the way I would like it to. And I know that it won't!!! And yet, I keep doing it again and again. Will this be the last time I do this? Probably not.
And I think about it all the time. How frustrating. How are you supposed to avoid something that you think about practically 24/7? You would think that sleeping would help, but unfortunately, my sleeping has been altered because I CAN'T sleep. Do you know why? Guess. Yep. Because I'm thinking about it. And when I do fall asleep, as soon as I wake up, I think about it. Truly. First thing I think of when I wake up is stupid decisions. What a great way to start and end every single day.
I would go to bed, but what is the point? I'll lay awake for an hour thinking and wishing and regretting.
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