Ouch.

I know that nearly everyone has that moment in their life when they step back and realize that they need God in their life. I personally have had that happen more than once, but this time, it hit me hard. And all at once. All it took was one friend tell me that they shouldn't be bothering me with their problems because I have enough of my own. It was then that I saw that I've been slipping. I hit a few (alot) of bumps in the road and it seemed like they all appeared at once. And I fell. I tripped and stumbled over all of them, and I didn't even bother try to find someone to help me through. So what happened?
I detached myself from everything else
Today, I know for a fact I said that I hated my life at least 20 times
I started being rude to my family
I lost hope that things would get better
I stopped being there for my friends
I started not caring about things that were important
I thought everything was about me
I didn't think I needed any help
I didn't want to make it through
I wanted to stay on the ground where I was and feel sorry for myself
But just now, five minutes ago, I realized this is wrong
What was I thinking?
I need forgiveness.
I need mercy.
I need help.
I need strength.
I need hope.
I need God.
Thats it.
I just need God.
How could I ever actually think I could do this by myself? I have been so neglectful to everything! Sure, I have been smiling and being nice when absolutely necessary, but it's been a lie! I don't want to have to fake a good attitude. I want to be genuine. And the only way I can get there is if I have God to help me. I'm so sick of thinking I am the only one with problems. Of course I'm not. EVERYONE has problems, and mine are so small! For some crazy reason though, God still cares, and I know that. I can't believe it took me so long to figure this out.
Spite isn't going to help
Revenge isn't going to help
Feeling sorry for myself isn't going to help
Acting like I don't care isn't going to help
God is going to help.
And I know that now.
I think tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Because instead of feeling alone, i am going to feel safe.
And I am going to be a better friend than I have been.
I'm going to be a better daughter, and a better sister
I'm going to stop saying I hate my life.
Because I don't.
I just thought I did.
When really, I just hated the way I was choosing to live it.